the story behind video final
The story behind video final the video from moms stay in the hospital the last time.. I don't usually write about my videos or what they are about but in this case I will make an exception.. When mom was in the hospital this last time it was like a two parter.. She went in on the 15th of August because of a twist in her large intestine, and I really didn't take the camera in that first day at all.. In fact it would be Friday before I would take it in and really the only reason was to smuggle in her iphone and power adapter but I wouldn't leave it there the first day or the second day,, It would be Monday before I would feel like she could use it and plug it in and everything.. But in that Friday I took pictures of the geese and different birds.. there were even like three rabbits running at one point, seemingly in formation they just took off running and just kept going until they were out of sight from the end of the building there to the north.. they seemed to sneak in one by one after getting where they were going.. Then that bird came swooping in there, I have no idea what it is and it came in and sat at the waters edge and didn't move the rest of the time I was there.. I took pictures and took video thinking it might be about to move but he didn't move didn't flinch.. What the hell kind of bird is that?? Then mom was moved to the next room that was next to the ER entrance and sadly the room next to the room where she would eventually end up at.. But this was happier times, she was getting over her surgery with what was the help of a screw up as it turns out by the admission of the doctor who performed the surgery on her intestine, the labs screwed up and gave her a unit of blood and magnesium, both seemed to help her become uncloudy and helped her get over her condition.. And in the video you can hear those words she uttered that at the time meant nothing but which now seemed prophetic as hell.. "They say I might have to be in here for a month..." and I had looked up surgeries like the one mom had done and it is more common for patience to remain in the hospital for a month to six weeks to recover fully.. I remember my sister in law telling me if I didn't think she was ready to come home then don't let them push her out the door,,,, Truth is I couldn't see any reason to hold on to mom, if they said she was ready to go who was I to argue and truth be told she looked and acted ready to go.. So .. there I guess.... But as I have said 20 20 being what it is I should have insisted on her staying through the following weekend just to make sure her surgery had in fact taken.. as it turns out my feeling was as the week went along and Thursday happened and she wasn't feeling very good, I remember telling my little brother that if he was set needing mom to watch the guys I thought she could even though she was recovering still from that surgery, I felt like she could even though they really take care of themselves.. My feeling was they could still come down but he didn't need her.. Turns out it was just as well, had mom not broken her hip I was sure she would have still ended up back in the hospital because the surgery seemed to be not taking, and in fact they did an MRI and this was proven in her final hours as they looked at the film as we were in her room and it proved that the surgery didn't take.. This might be in fact what she died of.. The hip breaking just sealed the deal.. Had she not had her hip break there is a chance, very outside chance that she might have been able to recover from that first surgery however it would have been an extremely uphill battle.. Colostomy bag might very well been in her future which would not have been any fun.. I felt like when mom went home that first time that she dodged a bullet and a half, but as the week progressed that things were not looking very good as she got heart burn really bad on Thursday, a feeling I had was at the time I thought so what, more heartburn, like she hadn't had this before, but in hindsight I feel now that it was a sign that her intestinal surgery was failing.. Yes three days later than they said it would, she is older and having the comeback on this surgery I feel could take longer than he said.. She had a bloody stool on Wednesday and it concerned her but I felt like it maybe wasn't that big of a deal.. The discharge papers did say "diet as tolerated" meaning eat what you can.. I felt like I might have cause trouble all along.. let me explain..
First mom was losing weight.. She made the comment that on her last license she was at 115 pounds and that now she was just over ninety.. Meaning she was really losing weight and she didn't think she could afford to lose much more weight or ... Well lets fix that then. .She had asked me to get some tv dinners back in June, I got me one like I normally did, and got some chicken pot pies as well I didn't think these were for her, she didn't specify who they were for I just assumed they were for me.. Turns out they were going to be for her.. another hindsight thing here would have been thinking if they were for her the meals I was getting for me to lose weight might have been good for her to start gaining weight.. They were low in calorie and as well low in protein but very good for you, I called them steamers because they were steam meals and the food was real food not a bunch of calories which when she charged me with getting a bunch of meals again a month later I understood that this time they were for her and would be Hungry Man meals.. A fault on me, I was thinking this would help her not only stop losing weight but gain some fairly fast because unlike the steamer meals with their low protein low calorie meals, these would be double the calorie triple the protein, stop that weight loss right in it's tracks thing.. So .. The first meal would be a chicken meal (don't mention chicken to me)... And she didn't really care for it but she ate it.. It would be the only meal she would eat all of.. The next ,meal she ate on the Monday before going into the hospital in excruciating pain.. What now?? well that is when it all went south for her. Why I take the responsibility for her falling ill.. Like I said she should have started on low calorie, low protein possibly even had one of those protein shake things... I didn't even think of this, although my sister in law did and I even looked at those things in walmart I thought she should not only ok it that she should pick them out.. She liked Strawberry flavor but that might not have been her flavor.. You know some times your favorite flavor isn't your favorite in everything.. Sometimes it's good to ruin a flavor in something rather than use it for something like this.. Anyway that was never even discussed, not at this time anyway, we had talked about it before but not at this time... Meals being what they are some are to gain weight and others are to hold and others to lose.. I used Slimfast but it only will slim you if you eat right or eat nearly nothing at all, the nutrients in the shake mix take the place of a meal, and therefor are able to be used in that way.. I thought of having her drink a slimfast shake but it of course would have had to been a flavor she liked or she likely would never have had it.. The slimfast idea came after she passed away, as with all my better ideas. In the case of my dad who was constantly fighting to stay regular himself, had I known then what I know now, he could have eaten peanuts, water won't keep you regular, peanuts alone won't keep you regular, peanuts will make you shit eventually.. as will those colon bomb tomatoes.. Live and learn..
The main reason I feel guilty over moms situation is that it seems like everything I came up with to help her she turned down.. The Wednesday when after she was released we got a call to have home hospice (home hospital therapy) come and look in on here.. I should have set it up knowing full well mom would more than likely turn them down from coming for the most vain of excuses the house is a mess.. I told her they would not be there to look at the house they were going to be there for you.. But that was another reason I feel like things unfolded the way they did.. I should have made them come.. She was feeling fine that Wednesday but she would start feeling not as good the next day.. I felt like had I had her looked at by home health on that Wednesday and again especially on that Thursday that she might still be with us.. I feel like I let the family down and I especially let mom down.. She let her pride get in the way but I let her do so.. And this wasn't the only time I let her determine how things would go.. Some other times that was the way including the most damning of all letting her go to Sidney to do that swingbed when she had that sinus surgery done, and had her in that hospital doing recovery on swingbed and it was more for convenience than anything else.. I think she thought I would drive up there every day and I was but easily could not have because she was getting quite better extremely quickly.. I could easily have gone to a two or even once a week treking up there type of thing.. I hate the feeling of not being there if I can be and after my own stay in a hospital I know how it can feel to have someone come and visit.. I was hoping she might be getting better because of me being there.. When she discussed the idea of going to Sidney for swingbed I wasn't sure it was a good idea but because I felt the worst was over I couldn't see any reason to not have her come to Sidney.. Just proves they can fuck up the easiest of charges, as she had her inner ears burned out, making balance for mom never happen again.. although there were discussions about the possibility of a surgery that could fix that problem.. It was still in the future..
So.. I got sidetracked.. The story of this video is that when mom went into the hospital I took it seriously but then not to seriously.. Not the first time at any rate.. The second time for the hip was pretty much spelled disaster however after she got out of the room she was in and she was in the last room she still looked alright.. However there were signs as far back as before she had her hip surgery that this might be too much for her and I think she even knew that when was in trouble.. When she walked after the surgery her neck was still an issue, don't forget she had three things she was battling, her neck, her intestine and her hip.. Not just the two.. When I say mom was tough, these three things would have been tough back in the day back in her prime but she likely would have come through.. I even said as much that this second surgery in ten days just will likely be too much..
After mom passed away Ian wanted to go to the hospital not to see his grandma but to be near the place where she died earlier.. I understood that.. I was the same way after my dad passed away, I wanted to go to the hospital where he had passed away but instead opted to go to the dialysis center where he was just a few days during this last bit.. We had decided to get a Red Maple tree just like the one in their yard of that place as a memorial tree for dad.. That same tree was blown over, and I fixed it and then it got snapped in half and there was no fixing it then.. pissed me off, why can't we have nice things?? Moms passing might fix that.. Although we likely won't get a tree in its place we will get more than one shade tree, that was moms memorial funding setup.. And so sometime in the next year or so, over the next year or shorter hopefully we will get to see these trees brought in and planted.. I would like to help plant them but with my luck with trees lately I think letting someone who knows what they are doing is the better idea..
First mom was losing weight.. She made the comment that on her last license she was at 115 pounds and that now she was just over ninety.. Meaning she was really losing weight and she didn't think she could afford to lose much more weight or ... Well lets fix that then. .She had asked me to get some tv dinners back in June, I got me one like I normally did, and got some chicken pot pies as well I didn't think these were for her, she didn't specify who they were for I just assumed they were for me.. Turns out they were going to be for her.. another hindsight thing here would have been thinking if they were for her the meals I was getting for me to lose weight might have been good for her to start gaining weight.. They were low in calorie and as well low in protein but very good for you, I called them steamers because they were steam meals and the food was real food not a bunch of calories which when she charged me with getting a bunch of meals again a month later I understood that this time they were for her and would be Hungry Man meals.. A fault on me, I was thinking this would help her not only stop losing weight but gain some fairly fast because unlike the steamer meals with their low protein low calorie meals, these would be double the calorie triple the protein, stop that weight loss right in it's tracks thing.. So .. The first meal would be a chicken meal (don't mention chicken to me)... And she didn't really care for it but she ate it.. It would be the only meal she would eat all of.. The next ,meal she ate on the Monday before going into the hospital in excruciating pain.. What now?? well that is when it all went south for her. Why I take the responsibility for her falling ill.. Like I said she should have started on low calorie, low protein possibly even had one of those protein shake things... I didn't even think of this, although my sister in law did and I even looked at those things in walmart I thought she should not only ok it that she should pick them out.. She liked Strawberry flavor but that might not have been her flavor.. You know some times your favorite flavor isn't your favorite in everything.. Sometimes it's good to ruin a flavor in something rather than use it for something like this.. Anyway that was never even discussed, not at this time anyway, we had talked about it before but not at this time... Meals being what they are some are to gain weight and others are to hold and others to lose.. I used Slimfast but it only will slim you if you eat right or eat nearly nothing at all, the nutrients in the shake mix take the place of a meal, and therefor are able to be used in that way.. I thought of having her drink a slimfast shake but it of course would have had to been a flavor she liked or she likely would never have had it.. The slimfast idea came after she passed away, as with all my better ideas. In the case of my dad who was constantly fighting to stay regular himself, had I known then what I know now, he could have eaten peanuts, water won't keep you regular, peanuts alone won't keep you regular, peanuts will make you shit eventually.. as will those colon bomb tomatoes.. Live and learn..
The main reason I feel guilty over moms situation is that it seems like everything I came up with to help her she turned down.. The Wednesday when after she was released we got a call to have home hospice (home hospital therapy) come and look in on here.. I should have set it up knowing full well mom would more than likely turn them down from coming for the most vain of excuses the house is a mess.. I told her they would not be there to look at the house they were going to be there for you.. But that was another reason I feel like things unfolded the way they did.. I should have made them come.. She was feeling fine that Wednesday but she would start feeling not as good the next day.. I felt like had I had her looked at by home health on that Wednesday and again especially on that Thursday that she might still be with us.. I feel like I let the family down and I especially let mom down.. She let her pride get in the way but I let her do so.. And this wasn't the only time I let her determine how things would go.. Some other times that was the way including the most damning of all letting her go to Sidney to do that swingbed when she had that sinus surgery done, and had her in that hospital doing recovery on swingbed and it was more for convenience than anything else.. I think she thought I would drive up there every day and I was but easily could not have because she was getting quite better extremely quickly.. I could easily have gone to a two or even once a week treking up there type of thing.. I hate the feeling of not being there if I can be and after my own stay in a hospital I know how it can feel to have someone come and visit.. I was hoping she might be getting better because of me being there.. When she discussed the idea of going to Sidney for swingbed I wasn't sure it was a good idea but because I felt the worst was over I couldn't see any reason to not have her come to Sidney.. Just proves they can fuck up the easiest of charges, as she had her inner ears burned out, making balance for mom never happen again.. although there were discussions about the possibility of a surgery that could fix that problem.. It was still in the future..
So.. I got sidetracked.. The story of this video is that when mom went into the hospital I took it seriously but then not to seriously.. Not the first time at any rate.. The second time for the hip was pretty much spelled disaster however after she got out of the room she was in and she was in the last room she still looked alright.. However there were signs as far back as before she had her hip surgery that this might be too much for her and I think she even knew that when was in trouble.. When she walked after the surgery her neck was still an issue, don't forget she had three things she was battling, her neck, her intestine and her hip.. Not just the two.. When I say mom was tough, these three things would have been tough back in the day back in her prime but she likely would have come through.. I even said as much that this second surgery in ten days just will likely be too much..
After mom passed away Ian wanted to go to the hospital not to see his grandma but to be near the place where she died earlier.. I understood that.. I was the same way after my dad passed away, I wanted to go to the hospital where he had passed away but instead opted to go to the dialysis center where he was just a few days during this last bit.. We had decided to get a Red Maple tree just like the one in their yard of that place as a memorial tree for dad.. That same tree was blown over, and I fixed it and then it got snapped in half and there was no fixing it then.. pissed me off, why can't we have nice things?? Moms passing might fix that.. Although we likely won't get a tree in its place we will get more than one shade tree, that was moms memorial funding setup.. And so sometime in the next year or so, over the next year or shorter hopefully we will get to see these trees brought in and planted.. I would like to help plant them but with my luck with trees lately I think letting someone who knows what they are doing is the better idea..
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