UNKINK MY STYNK

Last night I had a flashback to this past August..  When my mom passed away.. Something sparked it,  I had gotten to the point where it wasn't happening every day or once a week in fact it might have been close to a month since I even though of that time at all..  I try to steer clear of talking about mom with anyone in the family, the early days right after mom passed I would make reference to her in any number of conversations but I started to feel like that wasn't a welcome topic at all anymore so if I feel that coming up I stop myself.. Just a really good idea.. Mom was on speaking terms with everyone but they seemed somewhat strained as my older brother described that he felt like she wasn't happy in the last few months if not longer. My feeling is yes she wasn't happy especially with her choice to have botox done in her neck to eleviate the shaking or tremor she had developed since her sinus surgery way back when.. My feeling is she had to know things weren't

When my gallbladder exploded last weekend things changed for me.. I had my older brother in with me in the ER...  I was thinking how long would I have waited before going down to the hospital myself.. Hard to say.. My brother was on his way to take his daughters to the pumpkin patch and thankfully they didn't tell them they were going.  They were at a store and he had called to tell me they were going out.. Thankfully I had told him I was wanting to go out there and see them otherwise he likely wouldn't have called..  HE called the house number and I heard the phone wring although I was more or less yelling OUCH at he time I heard some of the message and couldn't get to the phone in time to talk to him.. Gotta call him and find out if this can be fixed..At the time I had no idea what it was..  I called him back and they came down with a little bottle of the pink stuff to help ease the upset tummy.. It wasn't that and that stuff didn't help and likely wouldn't h

Every day for the since like early February last year the ritual on every morning has been to get up and fist this hop on the scale to check the weight.. I was wanting to lose weight from bout the start of last year and had a goal in mind..I weighed around 209 pounds at the very beginning of this.. and by Memorial weekend was down to 170 pounds and as with most people who lose weight gaining it back is what usually happens and I was no exception and would "roller coaster" the weight although not that much, the most I would weigh was 180 around my birthday last year owing to a pizza binge I went on.. Lost that weight by the end of the year and was at 170 through all of this year.. Then mom died... And I did eat wrong for a few weeks as a way of mourning I suppose although I was eating wrong before she died.. Then two weeks ago I had a gallbladder attack which really set me back.. I had been eating the wrong foods for enough time that it caught up with me.. and two weeks a

The number of entries on my blog that pertain to mom and what happened to her is staggering.. It's like I started to write about something else and it turned into an entry about mom.. None of them were published but it blows me away.. writing helps me cope and helped me to get it together.. I can help myself that way.. The thinking of going to a therapist might be in some peoples mind as a good idea but I don't need to hear what a bad person my mom was, or my dad was.. Parents get the bulk of the blame because they are the ones who are charged with raising these young people.. And the do the best they can no matter what they are going through themselves.. I know my mom wasn't perfect, nor was my dad but they did the best they could, and I don't need a therapist to tell me how bad a job they did, nobody is perfect.. I did the same thing hen my dad passed away although I wasn't on the internet at the time of his passing I got on shortly after and started a blog

The story behind video final  the video from moms stay in the hospital the last time..  I don't usually write about my videos or what they are about but in this case I will make an exception..    When mom was in the hospital this last time it was like a two parter.. She went in on the 15th of August because  of a twist in her large intestine, and I really didn't take the camera in that first day at all..  In fact it would be Friday before I would take it in and really the only reason was to smuggle in her iphone and power adapter but I wouldn't leave it there the first day or the second day,, It would be Monday before I would feel like she could use it and plug it in and everything.. But in that Friday I took pictures of the geese and different birds..  there were even like three rabbits running at one point, seemingly in formation they just took off running and just kept going until they were out of sight from the end of the building there to the north.. they seemed to sn

I wrote the entry about my mom and how she went into the hospital for intestinal surgery and came out in a pine box, and it was hard to witness her sudden decline in health.. I mean she was more or less fine when she went in..  or was she..  She had complained of stomach pain for years, and she had irregular bowel movements, irregular in that it was either hard as a rock or hard, constipation type of thing or it would be beyond runny, runny as in pissing type of runny.. And I thought there is a problem here but.. I think she told her doctor about it  any number of times.. Well every year she would go in to see him to get her prescriptions rewritten and she would have labs done and every year there was nothing out of the ordinary show up.. To me out of the ordinary would have been some sort of cancer or something of that nature..  When cancer isn't present then there really seams to be nothing to worry about..  Or is there.. Mom had been complaining about stomach issues for years,